Tucker's View on the US Election

It has a come to ma attention that in this here presidential lection, not one of these here candidates has been keen to tackle the issues. I mean, I hear nothing bout the issues.

Yawl know what I'm a talking about?
Issues. Like the sort of things ma pa used to get all het up bout. I'm a thinking that maybe people are a missing some of the key issues here.

People are asking if ol' Ballarat Omar is a proper Christian. o them I say; make black people read verses from the bible like they had to do when ma pa was young. That way we'd know. Seems to me we've gotten pretty lax if now we don't even make black people read verses of the bible when they want to be President. Don't be getting me wrong now. I think it's good that this great country has advance so far we can have black people a taking time out from shining shoes and being President and all, but we need to check they can read bible verses first. Otherwise you get anarchy. Like, all that clapping and praise the lord stuff.

Anyways, I think the President should have to be a Presbyteryan. Like ma pa. If he was meant to be a pentycosty or whatever his name wouldn't begin with Pres. Like Elvis. And that's another issue. When are they gonna tell us where Elvis is. And isn't it odd that Vegas is near Area 51? Know what I'm saying? It's that Pres thing again. Elvis runs the Majestic 12. It's true. I hear things.

Personally I think McCain is tackling the issues. He's promised more wars. Wars are good for the American bicycle. And these wars are against bad dudes. There's an axis of evil and God has appointed the US of A his chosen saviours. We gotta fight these Muslim countries like Iran, Affirmation, Iraq, Cuba and North Courier. These Muslims are bad dudes. They believe in this prophet called Mohammed, who tells them to fly planes into towers unless the towers are being used for praying in and they make their women cover up their faces and they treat their women in a way that just wouldn't be accepted in Alabama.

I have nothing aganst this Backup Osama guy, but I don't trust him with the Conomy. I don't want some dude who hands over billions of dollars to some stupid insitution. My hard earned cash. Somebody told me that some guy wanted to give 700 billion dollars or something to some hospitals. Or maybe it was some banks. I bet that was Brackish Okinawa. McCain would never do that.

And there's this here Sarah Palin.

People say she's not that smart, but I just say they're missing the point. It's a mighty good thing when a foreign dignitary comes that he gets to meet a VP that gives him a boner. And a VP that gives the manhood of America a boner.

And if she can shoot Muslims like she can shoot Moose, than the US of A will be in safe hands.

God Bless America!

Vote John McCain!